I am sitting here, listening to Martin Garrix & David Guetta – So Far Away.
Less than 2 weeks until my 26th birthday – woah, I swear, I was 18 a few days ago. What happened? Where did that time go? Dust in the wind, hello? I am sitting here, reflecting on my past, thinking about where I am today, planning about the future. Thinking about what’s ahead and what has been long gone, to never come back ever again. Forever lost. So far away.

I don’t even know what I am supposed to write in here. If someone ever reads this – don’t ever give up. Believe, live, love and fight! Don’t ever lose hope! I was 8 or 9 when dad decided to leave my mom. He is still around and helps us A LOT. And by A LOT I mean that we’d be lost without him. I am thankful that even though he and mom weren’t meant to be after all, he didn’t leave any of us, even mom. What’s sad is that we never had the chance to build this strong father and son bond because of him and mom’s never ending disagreements. Once we went camping, me and him, and a friend of mine. It was awesome. What an amazing experience it was… My mom passed away when I was 18, a few days after I started my CS degree. She wanted to come to the ‘First day’ of college so badly, but, sadly, she couldn’t, because she was already hospitalized and sick. I will never forget how proud she was that day. I miss that amazing woman every single day!

I don’t know if I should be thankful knowing that she passed away knowing that I was the first member in our family to get to college or not. Sadly, I couldn’t do it, the pain was devastating, so I dropped out after a few months. It took me two years to pull my *beep* together and decide that I should finish what I’ve started, although by pursuing a degree in business, not in tech. And here I am, a few years later, Bachelor of International Economics, working in tech as a web developer.

About half an hour ago, while browsing, I’ve seen this facebook post from June 2011 where I am with my mom and a girl. My mom passed away 4 months later. About the girl. Let’s call that girl “I”. “I” , the girl I never stopped loving. Probably the best thing that ever happened to me was meeting her and spending some of the best and worst years of my life so far with her. Well, that’s gone now. Hope she’s happy. Forever lost. So far away.

Now, about God.

I hope s/he exists and I hope that I am wrong in my assumptions that we are alone, survival of the fittest. I mean… look how much evil there is. Sad! I’ve been through a lot of “God exists” to “No, he doesn’t!” to “Whatever”. Lately I’ve started to believe in me, mostly. To wait for the good old man to help you ain’t productive (however, if you read this, I don’t mind winning the Powerball :-)).

P.S: Bummer, some 24 year old just won the Powerball. Maybe next one?

This brings me to the saddest scenario – what if we are alone, not just in the Milky way, but in the Universe? Wouldn’t it be sad? Just think about it. Think about the size of the universe – billions and billions and billions of galaxies with billions and billions and billions of planets. And only one of them, just a single, small, blue dot having humans on it. People like you and me. And you, dear reader, being one of them. I don’t know if that’s true – no one knows, but just thinking about it makes me happy to be on this side of the universe, among friends and family. Also, we have Trump here, so… Definitely better on this side of the universe. If someone states the opposite, don’t believe them, it’s FAKE NEWS!

A sentence about the first ever picture of a real supermassive Black hole. How cool is that? Black holes, those huge and mighty creatures of the universe. One of the few things that makes physicists pull their hair off. So what have we learned? Well, not surprisingly, Einstein was right, again. It’s sad that Hawking didn’t live just a year or so longer to see this phenomenon.

I’ll end this post with the man himself, Stephen Hawking, a great mind and a great human. Yes, the one with the wheelchair, by the way.

“However bad life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. Where there’s life, there’s hope.”

Hope that’s big enough (no pun intended). Now print it and put it on your wall. Then read it every single day.

Edit: Read it 100 times a day.

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personal thoughts,

Last Update: April 25, 2019

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